From Dec 8th to Dec 13th I attended the 39th yearly and sold-out “Date with Destiny” seminar of Tony Robbins, the best-selling author and motivational guru (yes, I think he can be called so, in spite of “I am not your guru” recent Netflix movie about Tony and this seminar). It was a gruelling 6 days marathon with 14-16hrs spent in the dark and cold conference room. Even more than 3000 people attending (!) could not warm it up, or only temporarily by the frequent fun dancing, which was an important and fun “anchoring” activity.
To put it short, it was a heart- and mind-opening experience. I went there being a bit sceptical but hoping that this seminar would help me to get back my energy and mojo, which I felt I had lost to a number of unexpected and tragic events in my life this year. What I got back was much more than this! The event did not only over-deliver on my expectations, no, it gave me much more and much deeper things, a kind of deep “soul cleanse”. Funnily, at the very beginning of the event, Tony literally said: “You are coming here to get what you want, and I promise, you will get it. Plus, I promise, you will get something different – you will get what you really NEED”. Quite a big claim, isn´t it? But it was not an over-promise - Tony worked his magic. Absolutely mind-blowing! Everyone I talked to confirmed it. So I wanted to share some learnings with you, those which I think can be of benefit, and should be actionable even without the experience of a live Tony Robbins event. And I only would like to add, that I cried, laughed and danced during these 6 days more than I did in the last couple of years of my life.
So, here come my golden nuggets from “Date with Destiny”, which might trigger somewhat different thoughts during the reflective holiday season about your own ultimate destiny_
1. What else could this mean? This is a great question to ask, especially for “negative” events in your life. Engage your higher consciousness to judge such events, from the perspective that “Life happens for us, not to us”. What is the message that is being sent to you? What are the new doors that open, opportunities that arise? What else could this mean? If you control the meaning you give to events/people/things in your life, you control your emotions and therefore the quality of your life! Better emotions – better quality of life!
2. Problems are life´s assignments. People get really addicted to their problems, it is the strongest drug on the planet! All pain comes from having stressful thoughts. And the biggest problem at all is that people think that they should not have any problems! You cannot avoid problems – you can only go through them by growing personally. Grow or die! Key is to have better quality problems.
3. Get into your head and you are dead! – one of Tony´s favourites mantras. What he means is not our brain, but our primitive, conditioned, survival-driven and biased “THE mind”, which dictates our behaviours and automatic responses and which is disconnected from our true essence, our soul and from deep desires coming from our hearts. Most people just live their conditioning, not their life… So if you face an important decision, decide with your heart!
4. Everyone is innocent. This is a very powerful concept for a peaceful and loving life. People act stupidly sometimes, we act egoistically, we do not honour others, we hurt them, etc. Why not assume, that in such cases, we are just driven by our best knowledge, our “mind” and our level of spiritual development at this time? We have to have the courage to forgive – to yourself, to your loved ones and to everyone who matters to you - and strive to grow spiritually!
5. Change your blueprint, change your life. The secret of happiness is: “your life conditions equal your blueprint”. The recipe for suffering is: “your life conditions do not equal your blueprint and you feel helpless to change”. Your blueprint is basically how you define yourself, your identity, your primary question in life, your unconscious focus and the kind of meaning you tend to give to event, things, people in your life. We are driven by 1 or 2 of our 6 key needs: certainty, variety, significance, love & connection, growth or contribution. Sometimes our blueprint serves us and sometimes not. Apparently, every 5-7 years we have an “identity crisis”, as we move through different stage of life and our maturity. Updating your blueprint means reviewing your primary needs, your focus, meaning and also your physiology – “mind-body connection”. “We don’t live what we can, we live what we believe we are”.
6. If you can – you should. If you can not – you must. I don’t think I need to comment this one J
7. Your needs are my needs. It is the secret to a lasting relationship, when you will not stop until you meet your partner´s needs. Another key to a lasting and passionate relationship is “polarity”, the interplay of masculine and feminine energies, which is so critical. What turns passion off are 3U´s and 3Cs. The 3 feminine U´s are when women feel Unseen, not Understood and Unsafe/lack of trust. The 3 masculine C´s are when they are being Critisized, Controlled and feel their woman is being Closed (as opposed to being open and playful). So figure out, what women and men really want :-)
8. True Values, simple Rules. We all live by our core values and also by rules we create to experience these values. Experiencing our values makes us happy and there are many different ways how we can experience them. We create (mostly unconsciously, via our conditioning and blueprint) our “rules” for experiencing For example, both Person 1 and Person 2 value “success” as their top value. To experience success, Person 1 has a menu of rules: anytime, he is feeling grateful for being alive OR achieving an outcome OR being able to challenge himself beyond a present limit. Person 2 needs a promotion to experience success. Who is happier? Person 1 of course! He has simple, self-controlled rules, and he has a menu of such rules. So it is pretty easy for him to experience success. So what we learn, is that we should make our goals challenging, values aspirational but rules simple to experience! This is another secret of happiness!
Live with passion!